i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
