Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize