he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
