meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
