New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize