I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize