somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize