I heard we made out
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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