The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
third nipple confirmed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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