i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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