Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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