the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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