we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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