my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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