I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
