my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
