I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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