I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize