Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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