She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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