it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
