i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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