if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
