Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
