I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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