Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got inside last night via doggy door
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Someone signed my nipple.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize