so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
