I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
