before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
