I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
