For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
