She's JV to your varsity
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
