make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
