And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
