she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
