I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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