You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
