so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
