We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize