Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
