getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
