youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
