lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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