By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
