so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
