i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
