Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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