Barsexuality is the new black.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
