I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
