At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize