Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
