I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
