belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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