so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm too high and old for this...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
