I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
