i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
