WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
