That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
