my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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