People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
