Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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