when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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