Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
