i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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