Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
