Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
