I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
