so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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