At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
