I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
