she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
