A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
