Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Pooping to opera.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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