The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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