Best friends brother. Beat that.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
