you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He uses pillows to masturbate.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
