i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
