So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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