We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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