i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My bed smells like the plague
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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