Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
