a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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