I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
