Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize