all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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