i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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