I wish my penis had an off switch
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
