Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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