I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
