When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I could fuck to npr.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
