you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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