im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
