this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
