Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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