This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
