Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
