The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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