My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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