hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
