the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
