he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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