Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
