Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize