I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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