you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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