Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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