Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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