Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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